MOMMA BEAR

Mother bear wants to protect her cubs. She wants them to grow up healthy and strong. She wants them to grow up and remember all that she has taught them and be good little bears.

She doesn't want to see them lying in a hospital bed and realize that she caused this pain.

I decided to share my feeling of how I felt on the day that Madi got her tonsils out. This mother bear did pretty well. I was a bit nervous and didn't sleep much the night before. The unknown was killing me and my brain would not shut down for the night.

I was being strong for Madi. I didn't want her to see that I was nervous, because I could tell that she was nervous too and trying to be strong. I realized that she is a lot like me. Before we left we said a family prayer. Cooper prayed that Madi would be strong and brave for her surgery. I thought it was sweet and said a little prayer for myself as well.

It was interesting to see Madi get so antsy as we waited for our turn to go up to the theater (operating room). I was trying to read and kept reading the same sentences over and over again. I played go fish with Madi to keep our minds off of things and Kevin colored with her.

Finally our turn! She wanted me to go with her and come back and see her after she woke up. I was grateful for that. I am not sure I could have sat in that empty room by myself. I needed something to do. I needed to protect my little bear cub. Not that I could do much, but I needed to be there.

They took us upstairs. We waiting in a little space while they made sure all of Madi's information was correct. She was getting nervous. Her eyes were big and she was looking around at everything. I could tell she was unsure now. However, she didn't say anything just took it all in.

Then they had her walk into the theater. She and I both took in all the equipment in that big room with it's little skinny white bed. I watched her climb up onto the bed as I talked to the doctor. He is a kind man. She held on tight to Emily, her one special friend they said she could take with her. I stood by her side, and held her hand, as they put "stickers" on her heart and showed her the heart beat. Cool! She was fascinated I could tell. I like stuff like that as well. She looked so small on that little white bed with "stickers" under her shirt and wires sticking out.

Next they showed Madi the little mask she got to breath through. The anesthesiologist let Emily, her bear, have the first breath. She took deep breaths and they showed her the bag that went in and out. Soon her eyes got heavy and then she was asleep. It happened too soon. I didn't know what to think as I gave her a kiss and walked back down stairs.

When I got back to the empty room - the bed upstairs with Madi - and saw Kev I realized I was shaking a bit. We talked and ate some lunch. I was still a bit shaken having seen my little bear cub on that little white table slowly falling asleep.

All too soon it was time to go see her again. She was awake. She wanted me. I was a little nervous to see her. I remember the time Kev had his sinus surgery. He was so groggy in recovery and not my Kevy at all. It took him a long time to wake up and I was scared. How would Madi be? I walked around the corner and she smiled at me. She was eating an icy pole and couldn't talk. She mouthed words to me or shook her head yes or no. She started to cough and I was unsure if that was normal or not. The nurse told me that indeed it is normal. She will feel that she needs to cough and she does have some stuff to get out back there. Her throat is numb.

The doctor comes in to tell me that her adenoids were fine. She still has those. They will send off her tonsils to the lab to make sure they are okay. That brought a new worry to my mind. What if something is wrong with those tonsils and that is why they are so big. This worry soon vanished and I haven't thought much about it since those few seconds.

We head back downstairs. Madi being pushed on her bed like the princess she is. She is getting groggy again. Her eyes heavy. She doesn't last long after we get into the room before she is curled up into a ball with her Carebear blanket fast asleep.

It was hard for me to think that I did this to her. Kevin and I made this decision for her. She didn't know what she was getting into. We tried to prepare her, but ultimately we caused her this pain. She looked so helpless and I was a bit worried about how she would react. The little girl in the next room was moaning and crying - was it going to be like?

She woke up and wanted something to eat. Then she got sick and thought she would throw up. Good thing for medicine. She was fine in a few minutes and eating jelly (Jell-O) like a pro. She was so enthralled with Sponge Bob that she wasn't listening to anyone around her. I kept asking her questions - I could tell that she was getting sick of me, but I didn't know what else to do. She would try to talk and it would sound like a barking dog. She looked like she was doing well.

Leaving her on her own while we came home to get the other kids was hard as well. She is a strong brave little cub - I have tried to help her to become that way. Sometimes you have to let go a bit.

She wanted her daddy to stay in the hospital with her that night. Probably a good choice. He doesn't ask as many questions. We called her to tell her goodnight. She could talk. She had eated all the icy poles they had. I laughed with her. She sounded good. Tired, but good. I was comforted by this.

I wondered how she would be when she got home the next day. She was fine. A little weak, with a "small" sore throat, but fine.

She is one brave and tough little cookie. She amazes me. This momma bear still needs to protect, but maybe the little baby bear is tougher than I thought.